Something Rich and Strange

by
Tabaqui

28 Flight

"Oohh."  Anya shuddered, and Xander bumped her with his shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

"Draft of paralyzing fear."  Anya squinted down the street, looking unhappy.  "I think the whole 'Run away! Run away!' thing is a good idea but..."

"But it's a little creepy, yeah.  I kinda feel like a sitting duck." Xander put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a brief hug, and she sighed and hugged him back.

"It's too bad you're gay."  

"I don't have a problem with it," Xander said, and Anya giggled.

"Everything will be fine, really."   Giles got up from his perch on a stack of milk crates and shouldered his backpack, looking oddly out of place in the littered back street.  He was in 'stiff upper lip' mode.

Think he'll crack?    From his place beside Tara, Oz looked up and studied Giles for a moment.

Take something crazy.

"As soon as Buffy and - and Spike arrive, we'll all feel..."  Giles stopped as a huge, battered, and rusting Winnebago screeched to a halt before the group.  A cloud of dust rose up from around it and they all coughed.

"Feel...oddly worse," Giles said, and Xander had to nod slowly in agreement.

"You know, I kinda feel the same way," Xander said.  Spike?  This is the plan?

Blame the Slayer.    Xander hoisted a bag of weapons and yanked the door open.  A smell - a sort of thick, dusty, musty smell - rolled out and Xander groaned.

"Should'a nabbed that Porsche I had my eye on - just enough room for us and the Bit," Spike grumbled.  Xander stared for one incredulous moment at him - the vampire was sitting behind the wheel with a pair of enormous black goggles on.  Spike grinned jauntily and Xander had to grin back - turned to help Anya up the steps.

"And what, Oz in the trunk?"  

"Room for the wolf if he got all...wolfy."

"Oh good Lord."  Giles stopped for a moment at the top of the steps - moved hastily when Dawn poked him.  "Spike, you look like a demented Flying Ace."  Spike thought about that for a moment.

"Just call me the Red Baron,"

"Oh good Lord," Giles groaned again, and looked around for somewhere to drop his backpack.  Xander grabbed it and stowed it in an empty kitchen cabinet - shoved his own pack next to it and pushed the duffle of weapons up under the sink, out of the way.  There was barely enough room for two people to pass side by side.

"Everybody sit down, we've got to get going."   Buffy came out of the back of the vehicle from what was presumably a bedroom.  She had a map in her hand and waved it vaguely in the air.  

"Where are we going?"  Willow asked.  She settled Tara into the booth seat opposite the kitchenette and slung her backpack down on the table.  

"Away from Glory, although I would think that the airport would be a better place to start from."  Anya grumbled, settling next to Tara and looking disgustedly at the dusty curtains that had brushed her hair.  Dawn slipped in next to her, looking nervous.

"Loaded," Oz said, bounding up the steps and tossing a last duffle to the floor. He slammed the door and Spike clapped his hands together loudly, startling Giles.

"Right.  Everybody hold on."  The gears made an ominous grinding noise as Spike put the Winnebago into drive and revved the engine.  The heap roared away from the curb and everyone grabbed onto whatever they could, fighting for balance.  Xander lurched sideways into Oz and closed his eyes for a moment.

Oh fuck, this is gonna be bad...

Pet?

I don't travel well.  Xander slid down the wall and put his arms on his knees, willing the tiny little bud of nausea blooming in his belly to wither and die.  The girls swayed together around the table and Giles moved hesitantly up to the front passenger seat and sat down.  The windows were covered in foil, except for a square right over the steering wheel.  That had some sort of dark plastic film taped over it.

Why the goggles?

Just in case, pet.    

"Where are we going?"  Oz asked, and Buffy rattled her map irritably, clinging to the kitchen counter.

"We're just - going.   We'll figure it out when we get there."  Oz raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything, and Buffy scowled at him.  "We're going East right now - towards Lancaster."

"Lancaster?"  Xander pushed himself up and staggered over to Buffy - took the map out of her hand.  "Huh.  Edwards Air Force Base is right here -" he touched the map.  "Maybe we could use that..."

"Use it how?"  Buffy grabbed at the sink edge as Spike took a hard left.

"I dunno, just - they've got a lot of stuff there."  Xander looked inward for a moment, thinking, but the soldier didn't know any specifics and muttered something nasty about the Air Force.  "I'll think about it, okay?"

"Sure."  Buffy sighed and let go of the sink.  "Everybody just...rest, okay?  We're safe while we're moving, and we should just try to..."

"Rest, yeah."  Willow looked nervously at Buffy, her arm around Tara, holding her against the motion of the vehicle.  

"I'm doing the best I can," Buffy said softly, and Willow's eyes went wide.

"I know, Buffy!  Don't you think I know that?  I saw what she did at the dorm.  This is the right thing.  We can't - can't let her near anybody.  She's just - like you said - she's too strong."  Buffy looked away, biting her lip, and Xander reached out and touched her hand.

"It's okay, Buff.  I think - we all think - this is the best choice."  Buffy looked at him, her eyes dark and liquid - troubled, and too tired.  So tired.

Do what we can, pet.

"I'm supposed to slay.  I am supposed to be the - the Big Bad."  A soft chuckle from Spike, and Buffy pushed her hands back through her hair.  "I'm the one they run in terror from!  Not the other way around!  This is just -"

"This is the smartest thing to do, Buffy.  She has a deadline - we're gonna make her miss it, and then - she's screwed.  Nothing she can do after that."

"Except kill us all," Anya said flatly, and Dawn looked at her, wide-eyed.

"There is that," Spike said, and put his palm flat on the horn, blaring it at some unseen fellow driver.  "Wrong side of the road, you git!"  

"Actually, you are on the wrong side of the road," Giles said, peering through a tiny rip in the foil.

"I'm bigger than him!"

"That's not how it works, Spike.  For heaven's sake, you've been in this country long enough -" Xander tuned Giles out, smiling, and looked back at Buffy who was staring sightlessly at the map.

"Buffy - it's gonna be okay.  Really.  Between you and Spike, and Oz too, probably, she won't get near Dawn.  And Willow can always send her to - to Hollywood or somewhere.  East L.A.  We're gonna win this."

"How do you know that, Xander?  Some special power you haven't told us about?"  Buffy's voice was sharp-edged, almost sarcastic, but her eyes were full of a desperate longing.  

"No.  I know 'cause - we're the good guys, Buffy.  The good guys always win."

"Oi!  I'm not good!"  

"You're our - Doc Holiday.  You might not be good but you'll fight for the good guys."  Oz said.

Doc Holiday?

Gunfight at the OK Corral.

A cowboy?   Spike's mental image was Clint Eastwood and Oz helpfully supplied Val Kilmer, as well.  Spike made a pleased sort of noise.  

"Gunslinger - I like that," he mused.

"Right - if everyone has decided what movie character they are?  I’m gonna...go in the back."  Buffy folded the map sloppily and tossed it down - turned and went into the back bedroom.  Everyone sat for a moment in silence.

"I think maybe resting is a good idea," Xander said, and joined Oz where he was sitting against the wall, halfway between the kitchenette and the driver's seat.

"I don't think I could rest if I tried," Dawn muttered, and Anya brightened.

"Oh!  I brought drugs.  And also - Uno.  One of those will make you fall asleep.  And the drugs are legal - we Just Say No, right Dawn?  Most of the time."  She began rooting through her carry-all and Dawn smiled at her, shaking her head.  Tara was swaying with the motion of the vehicle, looking blankly at the far wall.

"Soon, soon, soon," she murmured, and Willow touched her cheek.

"What's that, baby?  What'd you say?"

"Soon-soon.  Stairway to doorway to far away, and it's not like we didn't see that coming.  Not like we didn't see how dirty it all was."  She brushed absently at her shirt and Willow closed her eyes for a moment, her lip trembling.

Think that means - anything?

Dunno, pet.  Sounds a bit like Dru...  She KNEW sometimes...even when she didn't... Xander sighed and leaned his head back, closing his eyes.  He was still feeing nauseated, and the poor condition of the Winnebago's shocks was doing nothing for his head - every jounce and shimmy made the sickness-induced headache he was getting ratchet up another notch.  Oz leaned into his shoulder, comforting warmth.

Pack.  Be all right.

Yeah.  Good guys always win.

Close to three hours later, and they were in the desert somewhere.  Spike had decided around Simi Valley that going to Las Vegas beat Lancaster any day, and had changed routes accordingly.  Now he was curled under his duster next to Xander, sleeping fitfully.   He sighed and shifted - sat up and rubbed his hands over his face - back through his hair.   It was useless - he just couldn't sleep.  He glanced around the vehicle, checking.  Everyone had settled into a sort of trance, battered into numbness by the jouncing of the Winnebago.  Giles was driving and Anya and Dawn were both making intermittent pleas for a rest-stop.  Tara was asleep on Willow's shoulder.   Oz was listening to a CD player - some instrumental tracks Derio had made - and the music filtered faintly through the link.  Spike nudged Xander with his elbow.

"We there yet?"  Xander blinked and looked over at him.

"Huh?  Uh - we're just coming up on Barstow."  Winnebago-head.

Stop that.   "Barstow?  Christ - we should be over the line by now!  If a certain Grandfather would just bloody well step on it!"  Giles sent an irritated glance back over his shoulder.

"Step on what?  I've driven tricycles with more power!"

"Christ."  Spike lurched upright and pulled out cigarette and lighter - lit up and inhaled deeply.

He was stiff, and the stale air inside the Winnebago was unpleasant.

"Do you have to do that here?"  Willow snapped, flapping her hand in front of her face.  Tara woke up with a jerk and looked around.

"Can't do it outside, Red."  Spike inhaled again and blew the smoke towards Giles, who muttered something under his breath.  

Be nice love, please? Xander stood up and stroked one hand down Spike's arm, and the vampire smiled at him over his shoulder.

What'll you give me?    

Anything you want.  Spike's smile morphed into something predatory and he turned half way towards Xander, running a contemplative eye over him from head to toe.   Xander rolled his eyes, but he was grinning.  Tara wiggled free of Willow's grip and got up on her knees - pushed her good hand through the blinds and pried them open.  A shaft of late-afternoon sun lanced in and fell on Spike's right hand.  He yelped at the sudden, searing pain and jerked away, smoke rising from his skin, and Willow pulled Tara down abruptly.

"Tara!  No, you can't do that!"  Tara's eyes were wide and she looked from Willow's frustrated face to Spike's grimace of pain and started to cry.

"Dark, it's all dark, it's daa-aark..."  

"Oh, honey!"  Willow reached for her and Tara flinched away.  

"Spike, I'm sorry, she - she didn't know -"

"S'alright Red, I know."  Spike shook his burned hand and tossed his cigarette into the sink - leaned over the table and touched Tara's face gently.

"Glinda, don't cry - it's all better now, see?  Not smokin' or anything.   Go ahead and look out the window all you want, sweet - I'll be fine."  Spike wiped tears off her cheek with his thumb - pushed a lock of hair back behind her ear.  Tara sniffled and looked at him - looked at his hand, touching it lightly with her fingertips.

"There isn't any reason for it, you know - the pain and the screaming.  It's just part of being here," she whispered.

"That so?  Have to go someplace else then," Spike replied softly, and Tara looked back up at him - nodded her head slightly.

"She - did she understand you?  Did she - ?"  Willow looked incredulous and Spike shrugged, pulling back to lean on the kitchen counter.  Xander leaned next to him, lacing his fingers with Spike's unburnt hand.

"Dunno.  Maybe."  Anya had pulled a juice box out of her carry-all and was getting the straw in.  Some of the juice squirted on the table and Tara bent over it, watching the reddish-purple beads quiver on the worn Formica.

"Why do you - Spike, why do you care about Tara at all?"  Willow was looking at Spike as if she thought he might yell at her, and Xander squeezed his hand a little.  Spike looked back at Willow for a moment, and then Tara, and shrugged again.

"She's -"   He stopped then, uncertain of what to say.

"She's pack, Willow," Oz said softly, standing up and turning off the CD player, pulling the headphones down.

"What does that mean, though?"   Oz looked over at Spike and Xander.  

You mind?

Go ahead, wolf.    Xander nodded silently, and Oz stepped over to the table, repeating Spike's gesture and tucking a strand of hair back behind Tara's ear.

"It means...she fits, Willow.  She..."  Oz stopped.  The link was a moil of confused thoughts.  Spikes own thoughts were muddled.   It was almost impossible to really define why Tara was pack and Willow was not.  She simply was.  She fit, as Oz had said.  She was - easy with them.  Accepted them.   She accepted him.  She'd made Spike feel a part of the group even when the rest of the Scoobies hadn't - and when he hadn't cared to feel that way.   She'd kept silent about him and Xander, and she hadn't felt any animosity towards Oz, when most would have resented or feared an ex-boyfriend, especially one that had meant so much.  She had the ability to make things seem - safe.  Calm.

"She's the earth, Red, she's..."

"Mother," Oz murmured.

"She accepts us," Xander said softly, his hand tight around Spike's, and Spike caught the flash in the red witch's eyes when he said that.  Willow was still uncomfortable around Spike, and lately she'd begun to make pointed comments about how little time Xander spent with the other Scoobies.  The underlying theme being it was Spike who was keeping him away.

I DID threaten to put a bottle through her brain, but...I was drunk.  Wouldn't do that now unless she really pissed me off.

"I accept you, Xander."

"I know you do, Wills.  I'm - I can't explain it.  It's just - the way it is."  Willow looked unhappy with that - opened her mouth to say something when Buffy came out of the back room where she'd been - sleeping?  Brooding?   A look of anger on her face.

"Giles!  Look behind us."  Giles, who had been eavesdropping on the conversation, looked into his side mirror and cursed softly.

"What is it?"  Xander asked.  

"The Knights of Byzantium."

"Bloody hell - how'd they find us?"

"I don't know, but they just put an arrow through the back wall.  Dawn, get down under the table.  Willow, you better get Tara down there too."  Xander moved to the front and tore the foil away from the passenger window and peered out.

How many?

Too many.  Fuck.

We might be faster -

I doubt it.  Duck!    Spike ducked, instinctive, and saw sunlight cut through the dimness again as Tara pulled the blinds apart.

"Horsies!" she shouted gleefully.   Willow grabbed her and pulled her down.  Arrows thudded through the walls in rapid succession and Spike threw himself flat, cursing.   Useless in the damn day - FUCK!

Not useless - sun's almost down anyway -   Xander crawled back to Spike and pushed his duster over to him and Spike wiggled around getting it on, another layer between his skin and the sun.  Buffy darted up to the front of the vehicle, crouching down next to Giles.

"Weapons!"  Giles shouted, gunning the engine.  It made an unpleasant sort of whining noise.

"We're bloody well in one!"  Spike shouted back, even as Xander rolled over and yanked open the cabinet, dragging the weapon-duffle out from under the sink.

"Oh, don't hit the horsies!"  Willow called from under the table.  Spike shook his head.

"We won't!"  Buffy called back.  Then she leaned in close to Giles and Spike heard her whisper: "Aim for the horsies."  Giles nodded grimly and sent the Winnebago careening to the right.  Oz cursed, wedging himself between Spike and the girls, who had all managed to cram themselves under the table.  Tara was humming to herself, looking at Dawn.

"Pretty pretty pretty," she sing-songed, and Dawn looked away.  There was a cry of "Come on, men!"  from outside, and then a thud, and Spike looked up.

"They're on the bloody roof, Slayer!"  Buffy looked up as well - jumped up and came back to them.  

"Xander - the hatch!  Help me -"   Xander stood up, making a stirrup from his hands for Buffy to step into and then dropped to his knees as a sword plunged through the roof half a foot from his head.

"Damnit - Xander, come on -"   Buffy looked furious, and Spike figured a little bloody mayhem would go a long way towards settling her nerves.  He only wished he could indulge in some as well.

Fucking sun - CAREFUL, pet!   Spike stood up next to Xander as he once again bent to hoist Buffy up.    He cocked his head, straining all his senses.  There was Knight, just there - and now there was -

"Watch it!"  Spike moved on pure instinct - grabbed the blade that punched down through the roof and held on with all his might, ignoring the fiery shock of the steel slicing into his palms and fingers.  Buffy ducked away from the blade, wide-eyed, and threw the hatch open.

"Hurry up Slayer!"   The Knight was yanking furiously on his trapped weapon and Spike felt it grate along bone.  Then Buffy was up and out and the pressure suddenly eased off altogether as she did something to the Knight.

"Got 'im Spike, let go!" she yelled, and Spike let loose of the blade with a gasp of pain, dropping to his knees.  He held his hands cupped over his thighs and his palms began to pool with blood.

Spike!  Fuck -  

"Help the Slayer, pet, I'll be fine -"   Spike jerked his head upwards and Xander hesitated one moment - jumped up onto the table and then swung himself out through the hatch.   The sword was yanked back up out of the roof.   Careful!  Don't be a bloody hero, love.

Careful, Xander agreed, and Spike got a brief glimpse of Buffy doing a high kick and sending a Knight flying off the roof.   The bloody sword was clenched in her fist.  Another Knight was clinging to the Winnebago rails, and a third was flinging a grappling hook, preparing to leap from his horse and climb up.  At least two dozen - more - were ranged behind and beside the vehicle, weapons drawn, riding hard.

"Here, Spike -" Dawn was wiggling out from behind Oz, some sort of towel in her hands.  She yanked at one edge, ripping a long piece free and Spike hesitated for one long moment and then bent to his hands, rapidly drinking the blood that had pooled there.   No point in wasting it.   If Dawn noticed she didn't make any sign and she edged closer and held the make-shift bandage out.  Spike held his hand up and let her get to work, keeping an ear cocked to the action outside.  

Giles was weaving the Winnebago back and forth over the road, and through the link Spike saw Buffy take a kick to the head and go over the side - catch herself at the last minute.  Xander scooped up a dropped sword and aimed a sweeping cut at the Knight who had hit Buffy, sending the blade deep into the man's shin.  The Knight screamed and reeled backwards, and Xander rushed forward and hit him again, sending him off the roof in a flurry of limbs and cloak.  He hit and rolled in the dust and the pursuing Knights frantically tried to avoid the body of their comrade.   Xander dropped to one knee, panting, and Spike saw his bloody hand, scraped raw on chain armor.

Dead?

As a doornail, love, Spike agreed.

Good.  Protect pack.   Oz glanced up towards the roof, wolf-eyed, and they both jumped when the window over the table shattered and a Knight fell through, axe waving wildly and chipping a huge splinter out of the Formica top.  Oz leaped, half-way to the wolf and a moment later there was a spattering of blood across the wall and the Knight fell back, throat gone.  Oz dropped back down, snarling, and Anya opened her carry-all and pulled out a dispenser of Wet-Wipes.  She waved them at Oz.

"Want one?"

"Jus' ge' messy again," Oz growled, and Anya nodded in agreement and put the wipes away.  Dawn finished tying the bandage on Spike's left hand and looked at Oz, her eyes wide.

"Doesn't that taste gross?" she whispered.

"No' rea'y," Oz replied.  They all looked up as Xander dropped back through the hatch onto the table, cursing as he slipped in the blood.

"I think they've given up.  They lost about six Knights - maybe they'll drop back, try to regroup, and we can outrun them."

"Is Buffy alright?"  Giles called, looking in the rearview mirror at Xander as he clambered down from the table.

"She's fine, Giles, just keeping an eye out.  I think maybe -"   There was crash from the front of the Winnebago and Giles cried out.  Spike smelled blood, suddenly - blood he recognized from numerous incidents on patrol and looked up to see the Watcher slumping sideways in his seat.  The front window was shattered and the haft of a spear bobbed through the hole.  The head seemed to be in Giles.

"Hold on!"  Spike roared, even as Xander flung himself towards Dawn and Oz grabbed Willow and Tara.  Spike tried to spread himself over everyone as Anya braced against the underside of the table and then the world was falling, spinning.   The Winnebago slewed sideways - lost momentum but gained a ferocious wobble - and heeled over into the sand.  Everything slid to a halt with a grinding jerk and Giles made an inarticulate sound of agony.  Spike could hear hoof beats, rapidly retreating, and then running footsteps.  There was a crunch and Giles' door opened and Buffy was peering in, haloed in a dusty shaft of sunlight, her face pale.

"Giles!"

"I - I'm...all right..."  Buffy dropped down beside him, her hands going out hesitantly but not quite touching.

"Not bloody likely," Spike muttered.  He staggered to his feet, dropping down from the cabinet door to stand on the backsplash behind the sink.  Oz grabbed his forearm and hoisted himself up - went rapidly up to the front of the bus.  

Keep them away, in the link and then the wolf was there, leaping up through the open door and out.  Brief image of the sun, a hand-span above the horizon, veiled in hazy clouds.  Then Oz was streaking away, to hary any lingering Knights away from their position.  

"Xander - help me.  Is everyone all right?" Buffy called.

"They're all fine, Slayer."  Spike let Xander use his arm for a brace and climb out from the heap of bodies between table and cabinets.  He made his way up the Winnebago toward Buffy as Anya slung her carry-all over her shoulder and shoved Dawn upright.  

"Let's go out the hatch," she said, and Dawn looked anxiously at Spike.

"It'll be all right, Niblet, wolfling is out there.  Go ahead.  Here -"   He gingerly handed her a backpack and then watched Anya climb out the hatch.  Dawn followed a moment later, and then Willow got Tara on her feet, taking another backpack along with her own.  Spike slung the weapons duffle over by the hatch, wincing as he flexed his hands.

"Anything in the back we need, Slayer?"  Buffy looked up distractedly from her crouch over the Watcher, a smear of blood on her cheek.

"What?  Uh - no, it was all - all up here."  Spike grabbed a last pack and tossed it after the duffle -edged forwards, keeping clear of the still-lethal sunlight that was fading through the broken windshield.

What's the damage?

"I think - you'd know better than me, Spike," Xander said softly, and scooted away a little.  Giles was pale - sweating - and his breathing was shallow.  The spear had come out - fortunately the Knights used a smooth, leaf-shaped blade rather than a gut-destroying barbed one - and the wound was bleeding freely.  Spike leaned in and took a long sniff.  Buffy made a small sound, and Giles hands fluttered at his sides, as if to push him away.

"Spike, what -"

"Just - checking.  I don't smell any...well, there's no bowel-smell.  So he probably won't get peritonitis.   Looks like he lucked out."

"You call this lucky?"  Buffy looked incredulously at Spike, and he frowned at her.

"Damn lucky, considering he could have taken that spear in his heart, Slayer - or his throat.  He'll survive this - he'd already be dead, otherwise."  Buffy's lower lip trembled, just a little, and she jerked angrily as Xander tried to put his hand on her shoulder.

"Buffy -"

"I - I know, Xander, I..."  Buffy closed her eyes for a brief moment - shook her head.  "There's a First-Aid kit under the seat there.  Would you two - do what you can for Giles?  I'm going to check on everybody - see if there's...  if there's anyplace to go - some sort of shelter.  We can't stay in here."

"Sure Buff, we can do that."  Xander's voice was soft and Buffy took a long, long breath.

She's losin' it.

No.  She'll be okay.  We just have to - be there for her. Okay, Spike?

For you, love...  Whatever you ask.  Spike couldn't help a slow caress of Xander's wind-knotted hair, and Buffy looked hastily away - stood up and jumped onto the drivers seat and started lifting herself out of the Winnebago.

"I'll be right back, guys.  Giles - you'll be okay."  Then she was gone, and Xander was rooting out the kit. Giles blinked slowly, shivering a little.

He's going into shock, Xan.  We gotta get him out of here.

Yeah.  Help me -  Xander dug through the First-Aid kit and Spike started helping him pick out the biggest gauze pads, Betadine scrub, rolls of Ace bandages.  It would be makeshift, but if they did it right the Watcher's innards wouldn't be strung over the desert, and the bleeding would be controlled.  As they worked Oz sent images periodically, and Spike watched with impatience as the sun slowly sank.  Once it was safe, he thought he might go hunting.  Xander glanced at him, catching that thought.

You and me both, love.   Outside, Oz howled, and Spike didn't bother to keep the demon at bay anymore.   The Knights were in for a very bad time.

It took the combined efforts of Xander, Spike and Buffy to get Giles out of the Winnebago.  Spike had wrenched the bedroom door off its hinges and tossed it out through the broken windshield and they lashed Giles to it with spare blankets.  Buffy had found an abandoned gas station about a mile away, and they went for it as rapidly as possible.  The Knights were already re-grouping and Oz was circling in closer and closer, unable to keep that many armed horsemen at bay.  Spike had wrapped himself in the last blanket and sprinted for the gas-station and was waiting inside as they arrived The building was barely standing, the warped wooden walls and boarded up windows letting in too much sun, and Xander cast around in desperation for a dark corner for Spike, his arms aching from helping Buffy carry Giles.  

Oz darted in, the last of them, panting and  they're coming! in the link.   Hoof beats - the jingle and creak of armor - and the Knights were upon them.  Several burning arrows managed to smash through the poorly-boarded windows and imbed themselves in the walls.  Xander and Anya worked to snatch them down and stomp them out, and Willow grabbed Tara and Dawn and shoved them both back into the corner behind the counter they'd laid Giles on.

"Willow!  Can you do - anything?"  Buffy shouted, struggling with a defunct coffee machine.

"Almost there!" Willow shouted back, paging desperately through a book.   Spike jumped up from his crouch behind a rusting heater and helped Buffy shove the machine over onto its side, blocking the door they'd come in.   Xander could feel through the link the burning pin-points of pain as sun found exposed skin on Spike.  More Knights arrived, pounding on the windows with axes and swords, and Oz leaped and growled, managing to drive them back momentarily.   But the building was soon surrounded.

Suddenly glass shattered, and one of the windows was gone, the remaining shards of glass showering down on Dawn and Tara, the boards snapping under the pressure of armored hands and shoulders.  Dawn screamed, covering her head, flailing at a groping arm and Spike was across the room with a roar, snatching Dawn and Tara and pulling them away.  Turning, he shoved them into Anya and Xander's arms and pounced with a snarl on the Knight that had fallen half into the room.  Spike wrenched off the soldiers' helmet and coif and struck, morphing into the demon and sinking fangs into the exposed throat.  

Dawn made a sound - a sort of moan - and Anya pulled her away.  Xander watched for one long moment, the absolute hate and bloodlust in the link almost overwhelming.  Then he turned away, snatching an axe from the open weapons-duffle and smashing it into the boards.  The Knight on the other side jumped back with a curse and then suddenly they all backed off, and Xander looked around in trepidation.  A Knight - helmet-less, in a rich red tunic - stepped into the room.

"I demand the Key.  Surrender it now and we will let you live."

"Not bloody likely," Spike snarled, and lunged for the man at the same moment that Buffy did.  Xander grabbed Spike and held him.

Wait - wait, love.

KILL IT from so many sides Xander flinched.  The hyena was as ready to rend and destroy as the demon and the wolf were, but Xander was sure this guy was someone important.

Might be someone we could negotiate with!

Listen to Harris!   Spike subsided, growling, and Buffy stopped several feet from the Knight, staring at him.

"We won't turn the Key over to you.  We're both trying to defeat Glory - why won't you help us!"

"The Key must be destroyed - there is no other way."  The Knight raised his sword and took a step forward, going straight for Buffy, and she whirled and kicked, sending him staggering back.  He recovered - lurched forward - and Buffy kicked again, this time hard enough to spin him around.  He stumbled into a steel support pillar, his skull thwacking hollowly.  He fell straight down onto the gritty, oily floor and lay still.

"Enemies, fly and fall - circling arms, raise a wall!"  Light exploded out from Willow - rushed away from her in an expanding ring.  It rushed through Xander like a wash of heat and pressure and was gone, through the walls and beyond.  There were cries of anger and surprise from the Knights outside, and Anya peered through a hole in a board.

"That knocked them down and - it's keeping them back.  What is it?"

"It's kind of - kind of a force field."  Willow's voice was hoarse and she moved shakily over to Tara, who was huddled next to Dawn.

"How long will it hold, Willow?"

"Half a day, probably."  Willow sat down heavily next to Tara, and Oz trotted over, letting Tara pet him.  Dawn looked over at the dead Knight, and then at the unconscious one, and put her head down in her hands.

"Okay - okay..."  Buffy ran her hands back through her hair - looked around her with a bewildered air.  "We need - we need to - make sure Giles is okay, and..."  She stopped, and took a couple of steps towards Dawn, looking down at her.

"Dawn, are you all right?"  Dawn looked up, her eyes red, tears tracking down her face.

"I - I'm okay, Buffy -"   Buffy hurried forward and knelt down next to her, hugging her close, and Xander glanced over at Spike, who nodded.

"Hey Buff, why don't you take a break for a minute and let me and Spike and Oz take care of stuff, okay?  I'll have Spike check on Giles."  Buffy glanced up at him - nodded distractedly - and Xander nodded back.

Clothes.   Oz pulled gently away from Tara and started looking around the room.  Spike bent to the dead Knight and carried him to the door - tossed his body out onto the ground.  Xander spotted the various backpacks where they'd been piled and found Oz's.  He glanced around and saw that there was a second room in the back; no doorway, but it was big enough for a little privacy.  

Oz, here-  He walked back into the room - put the backpack down and went back out, running one hand down Oz's back as they passed each other.

Thanks.  Okay?

Yeah - you?

Yeah.    Spike was hauling the unconscious Knight up and dragging him to the post he'd brained himself on.  He sat him down and pushed his back against the post, then looked at Xander over his shoulder.

"Find something to tie him with, love?  I don't fancy him bein' free."

"Yeah."  Xander cast around - finally came up with a length of greasy chain that appeared to have been part of a chain-fall for hoisting engine blocks.  He brought it over and changed places with Spike, holding the Knight's shoulders against the post while Spike knotted the chains around his wrists, opening links and re-attaching them so it was impossible for the Knight to escape.   Xander could feel the pain through the link from Spike's hands, and Spike cursed steadily under his breath.  Finished, they stood up and moved over to Giles, who nodded weakly at them and closed his eyes.  Xander took Spike's hands in his, looking at the creased, blood-stained bandages and streaks of oil and dirt.

You need more blood.

Sun's down - I could go get a couple more Knights.

No.   Oz walked out from the back room, human again, and dropped his pack, and Spike and Xander both looked over at him.

"Why not, wolfling?"  Oz glanced around at Willow, who was opening a bottle of water for Tara, and Buffy and Dawn, who were whispering together.  Anya had gathered up a spare blanket and was curling herself into a corner.   It looked like she was going to take a nap, and Xander envied her her calm.

"I think - the more warm bodies between us and Glory the better," Oz said softly.  Xander and Spike looked at each other, and Xander slowly nodded.

"I think you're right."  Spike sighed and leaned into Xander, closing his eyes.   Xander pulled him closer - reached out to Oz and rubbed his hand slowly across the werewolf's back, the pack feeling thrumming through the link, calming them all, settling them.  It was warmth and safety, and Xander felt the tension of the last few hours ease just a bit.

"Spike still needs blood, though," Xander said, and Oz nodded - made a motion of his head towards the back.

We can do that, in the link, and Xander nodded back.  Buffy stood up suddenly, and Dawn anxiously watched her stride over to them.

"Okay - what the hell happened, Spike?"

"Hmmm?"  Spike looked up at her, eyes half-shut, barely moving from his relaxed pose.  Oz moved in a little closer, protection-impulse in the link.  Spike was injured, and shouldn't be exposed to any threats.

"You killed that Knight."

"He was goin' for the Bit.  'Course I bloody well killed him."  There was a startled gasp from Willow, and Xander saw her struggle to her feet behind Buffy.

"He was a human, Spike!  We're not supposed to kill humans!"

"Spike killed him?  But - but how?"  Willow asked, breathless and flushed, coming up next to Buffy, and Spike glanced over at her, impatience in the link.

"The usual fuckin' way, Red.  He'd have killed her if he could, Slayer - I didn't give him the chance.  And I didn't see you askin' the Knights out on the road any questions about their intentions."

"That was different - I didn't have any choice - I couldn't let them stop us!"   Spike straightened, anger building, and the hyena grumbled restlessly.    Always excuses

Protect pack, get it away -

Hush, love.   "Listen, Slayer - these guys may look like the worst sort of Ren-faire wannabe's but they're playin' for keeps.  We're just in the way of their ultimate soddin' goal.  I, for one, don't give a flying fuck about their status as a species."

"You can't kill them, Spike.  They're human.  If we - if we talk to them -"

"Forget it, Slayer."  Spike held his hands up, palm out, and Willow looked hastily away from the gory sight.  "I'm not playing white-hat here.   Anybody that threatens the Niblet is dead.  Simple as that."

Spike, back off - please love, she's -

Gonna get us all killed, thinkin' like that.

Not pack not pack, in a grumbling monotone from the hyena and the wolf both ,and Xander felt the tension flood back in, tightening a gut already sore from a day's worth of nerves.

"Buffy - listen -"

"How did you kill him, Spike?" Willow interrupted.   "Is - is the chip not working?  Buffy?"

"No, Willow.  It's not.  Not - for a long time," Buffy said slowly, and Willow gaped at her - looked wide-eyed at Spike.

"How long?"

"Since we got the wolfling out, Red.  Since then."  Willow just stared at him - shook her head slowly.

"Buffy, how can you - how can you trust him?  I mean - Xander, you can't - that spell is - but Buffy, you knew-?"  Buffy sighed, and her shoulders sagged, and suddenly she looked completely defeated - exhausted - barely able to stay upright.

"Wills - it's not important.  Just - leave it alone, okay?" Xander said softly, and Willow turned a furious glare on him.  Spike and Oz both shifted to get between them.  Xander took a step forward and then stopped and whirled around as he felt a hand on his back.  Giles' eyes were open - he was, in fact, trying to sit up, and Xander immediately moved to his side and pushed lightly on his shoulder.

"Lay back Giles, please?  You'll make it bleed again."  Giles slumped back and Buffy was on his other side, Willow beside her.

"You mustn't - mustn't bicker like this.  You need to - to concentrate on...on a plan, on -"   Giles took a shaky breath and coughed, grimacing, and a bead of blood welled at the corner of this mouth.

"Fuck -"   Xander looked up at Spike, who shook his head slowly.

"He needs a doctor, Slayer - we need to get the fuck out of here."

"I don't think that's gonna happen."  Buffy bit her lip - looked up, as if contemplating the gathered Knights outside the walls.  "If I could get someone to come here...  Do you think they'd let him in?"  Xander glanced at Spike again, who shrugged.

"They're pretty 'Knights of the Round Table', in a totally...lame way," Xander said.  He noticed something over Buffy's shoulder, and an idea formed.   "But I'll bet they're just full of rules and regulations when it comes to war.   Why don't we ask cool guy over there?"  Buffy and Willow both turned to look at the captive Knight, who was awake and glaring at them.

"So, here goes nothing,"   Buffy mumbled, steeling herself, and she and Spike heaved the coffee machine away from the door - opened it.  As night had fallen the assembled Knights had lit a couple of fires and driven tall torches into the ground at intervals along the edge of the protective bubble.  As Spike and Buffy stepped outside they closed ranks, hefting weapons and grouping opposite them.  Two older men in long robes - clerics - chanted softly, hands out to the barrier.  Xander watched nervously from the doorway, Willow beside him.  Oz was back with the girls and Giles.  Anya was, unbelievably, still asleep and snoring ever so slightly.  Buffy skirted around the dead Knight Spike had killed - put a hand out and stopped him as Spike made a move to kick the body out of his way.  Spike snarled, but stepped over the corpse instead.

"Xander - why didn't you tell me?  About Spike."  Willow's voice was low and soft and full of hurt, and Xander sighed and looked over at her.

"I'm sorry, Willow.  I wanted to, but..."

"But what, Xander?  We're - we're still friends, aren't we?  I mean - I know we've had our differences, but I thought - after you told us about you and Spike, that we - that we were gonna be back to normal!"  Willow's eyes were wide and wet - her lip trembled - and Xander was once again reminded of a rabbit.   Happy little rabbit...oh, I wish you could just hop back to your rabbit home and not have to live out here in the world, Willow...  We're never going to be 'normal'...   Xander put his hand lightly on Willow's shoulder, rubbing.

"I was just...afraid to tell you, Wills.  I know Spike really scared you, in the past.  I wasn't sure if you'd - if you could trust him.  It just seemed like - the best thing to do would be to wait.  And you'd see - how much he helps us - how much he loves me...  I figured you'd trust him, and then when we told you it - it wouldn't make a difference."  Willow jerked away at that, and Xander let his hand fall to his side.  Her eyes were hard now - narrowing in anger.

"Of course it makes a difference, Xander!" she hissed.   "I mean - he killed that Knight!  Is he killing other humans, too?  I know you don't - you don't buy blood anymore.  Willy said something when Tara and I went down there that time.  It didn't make any sense then, but now -"   She stopped and shook her head - looked over her shoulder at Giles.

"I guess Giles knows, too?"

"Yeah - he and Buffy found out at the same time.  Willow - he's not gonna hurt us.   And he doesn't kill anybody."

"Yes he does, Xander.  He killed that man - who else, that maybe you don't know about?"  Willow looked truly furious now - was shaking just a little, and Xander took a step back from her,  Not pack not pack howling out from the hyena, abrupt fear.  "I mean - you say he's got a soul, Xander -"

"Say he's got one?  Do you think I lied to you about that?"  Xander felt a sudden surge of anger - all of his selves reacting to that with outrage.

"Xander - we both know how much your family hurt you.  And how much you wanted a family of your own that would...  Don't you think that your - your pack is just kinda - convenient?"  Willow glanced over at Oz, something going across her face - jealousy?  Hurt?  Xander couldn't catalogue it and then it was gone.  "I think you put too much trust in Spike, Xander.  If he's had a soul all this time, why did he keep killing people?  Why didn't he help Angel, fight for the good guys?"  Xander stared at Willow, at an utter loss.

Not pack!

She's not one of US Harris.  She doesn't trust us.  We can't rely on her anymore to be on our side.

Stop it!  Yes we can.  Guys, that's WILLOW - she's my...best friend...   That stopped Xander cold.  Was she his best friend anymore?   A moment's inner examination and Xander knew she wasn't.  Spike - and Oz - had taken over that role.  Filled the hole in his heart that even Willow had never quite fit into, all the way.  And the others' instincts - insistence - that Willow was not pack...   It was true.  He'd tried to ignore it but she wasn't, and never would be, and he didn't know if it was her magic or her stubborn need to see the world just one way, but she was slipping away from him.  Xander felt as if he'd been punched - for a moment he couldn't catch his breath.    He struggled to find something to say that wouldn't come out sounding mean.  

Protect pack, and Oz was there, silent.

"Willow - you really need to back off," he said, and Willow rounded on him, furious.

"Stay out of it, Oz!  You're as bad as Xander, trusting a demon - trusting Spike!  He almost killed me!  And Cordy almost died because of him!  Whatever he's doing -"

"He's helping us, Willow - why can't you see that?  Glory tortured him, and he didn't say a word - didn't tell her anything -"

Calm, love.  Not the time.   Xander took a hard breath - looked over at Oz, who was struggling for control.  All of the reactions to Willow that had got him grabbed by the Initiative in the first place were there, right there, drawing the wolf up and out.   Oz turned abruptly away, and Xander caught a glimpse of black eyes - of Oz's mouth in a silent snarl.

Wolf - calm, love - pack is safe, just get away from her.   Spike was as agitated as Oz, and Xander glanced over at him.  He was watching the Knight that had stepped up to talked to Buffy, but his senses were all trained on them, and what was going on behind him.

Calm, yeah.  Calm.  Safe.   Xander took a hard breath, and looked at Willow, who was staring at him.

"What are you doing, Xander?  I'm trying to - to talk to you and you're all - in outer space."

"I'm listening to the voices in my head, Willow.  The ones that tell me they love me, and trust me, and wouldn't hurt me for the world."  Xander moved away from the door, seeing Buffy and Spike coming towards them, negotiations over.   "Now is not the time for this, Willow.  We have more important things to worry about."

Willow looked at him - slowly shook her head.   "Not the time.  You know, people keep telling me that.  I'm getting kind of sick of hearing it."   She turned sharply away and went back to Tara and Dawn, and Xander shuddered all over - closed his eyes for a moment in relief as Spike's arm slipped around his waist.

Love you, pet.  Let it go.

Not pack.  Never will be, sad and soft from Oz, and Xander shook his head.

I don't want it to be like this.  I love her...

"They'll let me bring help, if I can reach him."  Buffy came up to them, looking happier than before.   "That guy - Dante - he gave me his 'oath'.  Hopefully we can trust him."

"His kind usually keep to the letter of the law, Slayer.  Just play by their rules and you can trust them.  Wankers."

"I just need to call him - I wonder if that pay-phone works?"  Buffy mused.

"Oh - wait," Oz held up a hand - went over to the heap of packs and picked his up - extracted a cellphone from the depths of it.

"Derio made me bring his.  Said if I didn't check in once a day he'd have his gran curse me."  Oz smiled a small, crooked smile,  Miss him softly in the link.  He handed the phone to Buffy and leaned into Spike as the vampire reached out and put an arm around his shoulders.

Be back to him in no time.

Yeah...I know.   The three of them stood there, pack, watching as Buffy dialed a number.  She looked nervous and shifted from foot to foot as she waited through the ringing.  

"Hello - Ben?  It's - it's Buffy..."

29 Lost

"He's coming."  Buffy held the cell phone out to Oz and the werewolf took it, tucking it away into the pocket of his baggy cargo pants.  "He was - on the highway, going down to L.A.  He lost his job..."  Buffy looked at the three impatient faces looking back at her and shook her head.   "He can probably get here in a couple of hours - his car is faster than the Winnebago, anyway.  Can - can Giles hold on that long?"  Buffy looked at Spike as she asked, and the vampire nodded slowly, glancing over his shoulder at the still form.

"He'll be all right, Slayer.  We got a little water into him - he's asleep."

"Okay..."  Buffy rubbed her hands tiredly over her face.  "Thanks, Spike," she said, voice very low, and Spike shrugged.  
"No problem."  Buffy nodded and wandered away, heading for Dawn, and Xander put his hand gently on Spike's back - rubbed there for a minute.

"You're being so nice."  Thank you love you.

"Family, pet.   I'm not happy with some of them...but I won't let them come to harm."  Spike looked worn out and Xander slid his arm around his waist and pulled him gently over to the far side of the room - faint impulse in the link and Oz followed them into the shadows.  The sun had been down an hour now or more, and the desert chill was creeping into the place.  The only light came from the torches and fires the Knights had lit beyond the barrier and in the flickering dimness Xander was sure no one would see them.  He put his back into the corner and pulled Spike close, one hand curled around his back, the other cupping the back of Spike's neck.

Drink a little, love.  You need it.

Pet -

"Spike - c'mon.   Just a little.  That...Knight wasn't enough.  And you know my blood - works better."  Pain, from Spike's hands and from numerous tiny burns shivered in the link, just below conscious thought but maddening as a buzzing fly.  Xander stroked his thumb over Spike's cheekbone - leaned down and kissed him softly.  Spike shifted a little closer and sighed in pleasure - let his mouth slip down from lips to jaw to throat.  Muscle and bone rearranged themselves and his fangs pierced easily.   Xander leaned his head back against the worn boards behind him and surrendered to the waves of shivery heat that washed over him, arousing and comforting at the same time.  After a minute or so Spike pulled away and kissed him - fleeting warmth from the blood, taste of metal and lemon and smoke.  Of vampire blood, like sparks of darkness - Spike had bit his own lip.  Taste of Spike, cloves and sweet, and magic, thick in the back of his throat.  

Magic in the blood.  In all of us now.   Xander let the rest of the room - the rest of the night - fade away for one long, blissful moment.  Then they both slowly let go - backed off - and Xander took Oz's place on watch as Oz offered his throat and Spike pulled him close, taking.   The need, the lust, the love, shivered through the link, heady and distracting.  Xander blinked slowly - felt through the link Spike pulling back - felt the near-pain the withdrawal caused.  Oz's hands tightened reflexively across Spike's back for a moment, then he was letting go and Spike was taking deep, long breaths, eyes closed.  Euphoria, in the link, and possessiveness.   There was much more to this than Spike feeding - it was reaffirmation.  Comfort from the stress of the past few days, and a strengthening of their link - of their family.  Oz's eyes were glowing witchfire-green in the dimness, and Xander knew his own were - could almost feel the hyena right there behind his eyes, wanting.  From outside came the acrid stink of unwashed men and metal - horses and blood and burning wood, dung and something cooking.   Smells that recalled other fights - other enemies - and the soldier moved restlessly.  
Wanna go out there and -

Fuck something up.   The demon gazed at them both, malice and chaos, a hair's breadth from release and Xander took  a hard, deep breath - pushed the others down and away, taking control again.

"Can't.  You know we can't.  Can't open the barrier, can't - kill them."

"Can and will, the minute I get the chance."  Spike shook the demon away - squinted out through a crack in the boards.  "Not that many of 'em.  We could take 'em on - they wouldn't stand a chance."  Image in the link, the three of them like Hell's own angels, and Xander took a sharp breath.

No...

Blood and bones, from Oz, and he turned away abruptly, going over to Giles and tucking the blanket up around the man a little more securely.

Wolfling?

Don't.  Don't want...   Oz turned back to them, his eyes wide and his hands shoved deep in his pockets, shoulders hunching.   "I don't want to - lose it.  I don't want the wolf to take over, Spike.  I can't.  Willow is..."  Oz stopped, and they all felt the unease - the frustrated desire - in the wolf.  He had his pack, but he needed mate, and Willow had been that - was still that, in a purely physical sense that the wolf couldn't resist or deny.  His heart wanted them - wanted Derio.  Something deep in the wolf wanted the age-old magic of the female.  Children - a pack of his own making.

"She's so close...  I'm afraid..."

Safe - safe, wolf.   Xander and Spike moved at the same moment - surrounded Oz and held him close.  

"We wouldn't let you hurt her, Oz.  It's okay."

"Soon be out of here, wolfling."  They stayed huddled for a long moment, reluctantly separating only when Anya walked over.

"Everybody's hungry.  Can one of you make a fire?"  Anya opened her carry-all.  "I brought snacks - tinned meat products!  I can cook if somebody makes a fire."  She brandished a can of Spam and a can of corned beef, smiling, and Oz smiled back at her.  

Keep me busy.    "I cooked over open fires all through Mexico.  We've got plenty of wood - where do you want your kitchen?"  They walked off together, and Xander sighed.

"That's -"

"Biology, love.   As ingrained as fight or flight."

"He'll be okay, though?"  Xander looked anxiously at Spike, who looked back, faint glimmer of gold.

"We'll see that he is.  What was Red telling you, before?"  Xander shook his head, propping one elbow on the counter just above where Giles' head was pillowed.

"She was pissed at me, about the whole chip thing.  She...  Fuck, Spike, she acted like she didn't think I was right, about your soul - about anything!  Like I was being conned."  A week ago and Xander might have silently begged for reassurance.  He didn't need to, anymore, and Willow's mistrust just made his own resolve stronger.

"I thought we were over all that.  I don't...want to lose her friendship, Spike.  She's the only one who was there for me.  For years.  You know?"

"I know, love."  Spike looked briefly up at him, serious for once.  He was unpicking the knots on the bloody bandages, and slowly unwinding the one on his right hand.  His palms and fingers had deep score-marks across them, but they were closed over, merely sunken places rather than open wounds.  His left hand was the same - nearly healed.  He flexed his hands, smiling, then looked back up at Xander.

"I can't tell you what to do about her, love.  I don't trust her magic - I didn't before, and I trust it less now that I've....seen it.  Through you.  She wants, love - wants so much and so hard.  I don't know if she really understands how her wanting...can hurt."  

Thinks she knows what's best.

I know...  I hate that I don't trust her...   Xander took Spike's hands in his - studied the fading wounds and lifted each to his mouth, kissing Spike's palms.

"I just - I don't want to cut her out of my life.  I want her to understand - to accept.  I don't know what to do."

"Leave it be for now, pet - nothing to be done.  And until Glory is gone, we have other things to worry about."

"Yeah."  Xander smiled faintly at Spike - looked over at Giles as the man moved on his pallet - opened his eyes.

"Hey, Giles.  You awake?"

"Hard not to be when you two are prattling on practically in my ear."  Giles' voice was rough and thready, and he grimaced in pain.

Needs a drink.

I'll find something.  Spike wandered off, and Xander moved so that he was down by Giles' waist, making it easier for the man to see him without having to turn his head or strain himself in any way.

"Spike's going to get you a drink, G-man.  Just relax.  Does it - hurt a lot?"

"Only when I'm forced to answer annoying questions like that."  Giles let a faint smile curl up the corners of his mouth and Xander smiled back.

"You must be feeling better then, if you can be sarcastic."  Giles raised his eyebrows - squinted at Xander.

"Where are my glasses?"

"Huh?  Oh - here."  Xander picked them up from the counter and eased them onto Giles' face, and the Watcher carefully adjusted them with a shaky hand.  He looked at the blood smeared on his fingers and let his hand fall back to the blankets, grimacing.

"How bad is it, then?"

"Spike says not so bad.  Says you'd already be dead if you were gonna die.  Apparently, it takes a long time to die from a belly wound."

"I see...  Xander, what - your neck!"  Xander's hand went automatically to the fresh marks there and he shivered a little, touching them.  Shrugged at Giles' weak glare.

"He needed blood, Giles.  He needs to be at full strength if we're gonna beat Glory.  It didn't hurt me, didn't hurt Oz -"

"Xander, I don't understand.  You - the last thing I would ever imagine you doing is voluntarily giving your blood to a vampire."  Xander shrugged again, silently willing Giles to calm down.  A fine dew of sweat stood on the older man's face, and Xander hoped he wouldn't move around much and make the wound bleed again.

"I wouldn't give any to Angel.  This is different, Giles.  I'm giving it, for one thing - it's not being taken.  And...  I love him.   He loves me...  There isn't anything I wouldn't do for him."  Xander glanced over at a sharp crack to see Spike breaking boards into manageable pieces for Oz, who was crouched down over the beginnings of a small fire.  The girls were circled around, watching, Willow holding Tara's hands back from the flames.

"You loved before, Giles - I know you did.  I saw it.  Wouldn't you have done anything, anything at all, for -"

"Ethan..."  Giles sighed, and he closed his eyes for a moment.  "Yes, I would have, Xander.  Long ago...  But Ethan - betrayed us all.  Did so many things..."  Giles stopped for a long moment, and then took a shaky breath.  "I have never regretted Ethan, Xander, but I have regretted some of the things he - persuaded me to.  I don't want you to have regrets."  He looked sad - infinitely tired, and Xander smoothed the edge of the blanket, not daring to put his hand on Giles' shoulder.

"I don't have any regrets, Giles.  I haven't - I haven't turned my back on what you and Buffy do - I haven't given up being one of the good guys.  But the world isn't so...clear-cut anymore.  I've lived Spike's life too, since the claim spell.  I've been inside his memories and seen the what and the why.  There's so much more...to everything.  More sides than two.  It's hard, sometimes.  But I don't think I've - betrayed myself.  Or you."

"You are my only concern, Xander.  My feelings on the matter are -"

"They're important to me, Giles."  Xander couldn't keep the slight tremor out of his voice.

All right, love?

All right.   "I meant what I said before - about you being like a father.  I don't want to - disappoint you, Giles."

"Xander -"   Giles held his hand out and Xander took it, squeezing as hard as he dared.  Giles squeezed back, and after a moment they let go.

"I am - honored - that you see me in that - that light, Xander.  I can only hope that I'm able to...to be what you need me to be."

"Already are," Xander said softly.  He took in a hard breath, closing his eyes for a moment.  "You'll have to trust me on the rest, all right, Giles?  Trust that I'm not some - poor deluded fool?"

"I -"   Giles stopped, and he looked at Xander for a long moment.  "I do trust you Xander.   I really do.  My background - my training - tells me otherwise, but I've realized, since coming to Sunnydale, that things are not always what they seem.   And one of those things is that my training....isn't bulletproof, as they say."  Giles coughed, and Xander looked back over to Spike.

Drink?  

You done?

Yeah.  Thanks. Love you.

Anything, pet.  Spike came back over, one of Anya's juice boxes in his hand, and he gave it to Xander - carefully slid his hands up under Giles' shoulders and lifted him a few inches so he could drink without choking.  Xander held the straw to his lips and Giles drank slowly, coughing only once.  Then Spike lay him back down and he sighed - winced.

"I hope you're correct in your assessment of my physical well-being, Spike."

"Don't fret about that, Watcher - I've seen plenty of belly wounds last for a week or more.  And they were men who didn't start out near as healthy as you.  You'll be fine."  Giles stared at the vampire - raised his eyebrows.

"Do I want to know where you've seen these wounds?"  Spike answering smile was wolfish.  "I thought not.  What, exactly, are we doing?"

"Demon-girl's making Spam.  Everyone else is waiting for Spam.  That Ben - that nurse bloke from the hospital?  Slayer called him - he's comin' out here to have a look at you."

"Good Lord.  How did she...?  No - I don't want to know.  The Knights are going along with this?"  Spike dug out a cigarette and lit it - blew the smoke over his shoulder towards the fire.

"Yeah - honorable warriors that they are, they decided not to deny you medical treatment.  And we got General Forehead over there, so they're playing nice."  Giles raised his head a little and looked over to where the captive Knight - General Gregor - was still tied to the pole, looking furious.

"That's their General?  Oh I say - good on us.  Has he told us anything useful?"

"No," Xander frowned over at the Knight.  "He only confirmed what you found out - that using the Key will mean the end of the universe as we know it.  All he wants to do is destroy the Key - he doesn't care about trying to fight Glory or coming up with any other solutions."

"He is a Knight sworn to his Cause.  I'm surprised he even spoke to you."

"He seems to like the sound of his own voice."  Buffy emerged from the shadows and Giles looked up at her, a smile of welcome creasing his face.  "He told me all kinds of stuff, but nothing we didn't already know.  How are you, Giles?"  Buffy put her hand lightly in his shoulder and Giles lifted his own hand to hers.

"I'm all right, Buffy.  At least, according to Dr. the Bloody."   The look Giles sent Spike's way was sardonic and amused, and Spike casually waved two fingers at him - took Xander's hand in his.

"We'll just be having our dinner then, Slayer."  Buffy actually smiled, and Xander and Spike walked away - went to sit on the floor near the fire, propping each other up.    

Spam Xander thought,actually smells kind of...appealing...when cooked over an open fire.

So does rat but you won't catch me eatin' it.   Spike's hand crept up Xander's back - began a slow pet of his hair.  It was tangled and knotted from the day's activities and his fingers gently tugged and smoothed.  It was soporific - infinitely calming - and Xander just closed his eyes and leaned into it.  Somewhere off to his right he could hear Oz dialing a number on Derio's cell phone.  It only rang once.

"Oz."

"Yeah."  Long sigh, and then:

"Everything - good?"

"Everything...just is.  Score one for the bad guys."

"Who?"  Derio's voice was tense, even through the phone.

"Mr. Giles.  But Spike says no worries."  There was a long pause, and then:

"Miss you.  Don't -.  Fuck it.  Be careful, amante..."

"Yeah..."

"Don't take it off, okay, mi dulce?  Don't."    Oz shifted, and Xander could hear something - a soft clicking.

"Won't.  Derio..."

"Yeah.  Te amo, mi amante, mi dulce..."

"Love you too," Oz whispered, and then the phone beeped, turning off.   Xander kept his eyes closed, but through the link he could see what Spike saw.  He saw Anya, spooning corned beef out of the can and into the iron skillet she'd brought, a spare t-shirt wrapped around the pan-handle like a pot holder.  He saw Willow cutting off small pieces of cooked Spam and trying to get Tara to eat it, and he saw Dawn slowly eating canned peaches.   And he saw Oz pulling a string of black and green beads out of his shirt, letting them slide through his fingers for a moment before tucking them away again.  He looked tired, and so lonely.   The fire sparked gold from the tips of his hair, but made the darker parts seem an almost bloody red.

Wolfling...   Oz looked up - got up and walked over.  Sat down with a small sigh in front of them, cross-legged, head down.

Pack, wolf.  Love you.

Love you, Oz.  Be home soon.   Oz nodded, not looking up, and Spike reached out and took his hand.

Sleep a little, wolf - we'll need you soon.

You too, Oz thought, looking up at Spike.  Xander opened his eyes finally - smiled over at Oz and then scooted a foot or so back, so he could lean against the wall.  

"C'mon, Spike - take a nap."  Spike was stroking his fingers over Oz's knuckles - let his hand go, finally, and wormed around, head on Xander's thigh, curled under his duster.  Oz did the same, curling up against Spike's back, the top of his head pressed into Xander's knee.  The link quieted slowly, finally just a low, steady pack that was more feeling than actual thought.  Xander felt his own eyes fluttering shut.  He looked around the room one last time - saw Buffy standing by the door, looking out - saw Giles with his eyes closed, resting if not asleep.  He slid his hand under the edge of the duster and found Spike's hand, and fell asleep tracing his fingertips over and over the fading cuts.

"That's him - he's here, Buffy," Anya said softly, and Buffy pushed herself upright from where she'd been dozing restlessly against the wall.  The sound of car wheels crunching over gravel, and a dazzling sweep of headlights showed Ben had arrived.  Buffy brushed at the seat of her pants - pushed her hands back through her hair.  

"Have you fixed up in no time, Giles," she said softly, and the Watcher nodded slightly at her, closing his eyes again as Buffy moved away.

"Willow?  You ready to make me a doorway?"  Willow touched Tara's cheek and stood up as well - went to stand next to Buffy.  

"Ready when you are," Willow said quietly, and Buffy nodded.  Xander touched Spike's shoulder - shook him gently.

"Love -"

"The medic here, then?" Spike murmured.

"Yeah.  Willow's gonna open a door."  Spike rolled onto his back and stretched hard, arching up and closing his eyes.  The pleasure of it rippled through the link and Oz stirred, lifting his head.  Xander leaned down and kissed Spike's mouth softly - grinned as the vampire uncoiled and sprang to his feet, lithe as a cat.  He stalked over to the General, looking down at him with gold-glittering eyes, and then went past him to the door, standing behind Buffy and Willow.  

Xander got up more slowly, stiff, and stretched himself, working his shoulders and neck.  Oz did the same, yawning, and went over to the 'supply' corner.  He got a bottle of water and opened it, taking a long drink.  He handed the bottle off to Xander, who finished it and walked with the werewolf over towards the door.  The Knights were standing warily around Ben's car - a dusty sedan.  Ben was inside, looking out the window with a look of astonishment and fear.  Willow chanted something under her breath and part of the barrier shivered.  Buffy took a deep breath and marched out, back straight.  Ben saw her and got hastily out of his car, looking warily at the Knights as he hurried over, a bulky gym bag in one hand.

"Hey, Buffy -" he said softly, and Buffy smiled at him.

"Ben.  I really -"

"Slayer."  The second-in-command, Dante, stepped up to the doorway and Buffy hastily got between him and the building, pushing Ben gently to one side.

"What is it?"

"We wish to give our fallen brother a proper burial.  May we collect his body?"  Dante gestured towards the dead Knight that lay crumpled to one side, and Buffy blanched a little - opened her mouth to speak.

"Don't, Slayer."  Spike pushed past Willow and strode out the door, and Buffy shot an annoyed look at him over her shoulder.

Spike?

They don't get inside the barrier.   Spike moved swiftly, picking the corpse up under its arms and hoisting it effortlessly.  It was rigid with death, arms bent awkwardly, but Spike paid no mind - strode over to the doorway and pushed the corpse onto the startled Dante.

"There's your brother.  Now back off."  Dante sagged under the dead weight and metal - half turned to give the body over to two other Knights who hurried to his side.

"What of General Gregor?"

"He's fine, he's -"

"Staying with us.  Oi!  Red!  Close the door."  

"Spike!"  Buffy looked furiously at Spike, and Dante made a move, as if to push past him.

"Willow!  Close it!  We can't let any of them in here."  Oz's voice was low and urgent and Willow looked askance at him - nodded finally and took a breath - repeated her chant.  The barrier snapped back into place, knocking Dante back a few steps, and Spike stood there for a long moment, watching them.  Buffy shook her head but turned to Ben, giving him a weak smile.

"This is all kinda - Outer Limits stuff for you I guess."

"Oh, you'd be surprised," Ben murmured, looking at Spike, a puzzled expression on his face.  He turned with Buffy and they both came back to the building; Xander, Oz and Willow hastily making way for them.  He went straight to Giles - unzipped his bag and fished out a stethoscope and began his examination.

"He got lucky.  The - the spear missed any vital organs," Ben said, peeling off bloodied Latex gloves and dropping them to the ground.

"Told you so," Spike muttered, and Buffy shot him a mean look.

"But, there's a lot of damage.  It broke a couple of ribs and the splinters -"   Ben took in the rather sick looks on Buffy and Willow's faces - the lazy interest on Spike's, and stopped.    "But you don't need to know the details.   He's lost a lot of blood.  I brought some Ringer's solution, and that'll help until we can get some whole blood into him.  I'm going to set up an IV, and give him something for the pain as well."   Giles put his hand up then, touching Ben's sleeve, and Ben looked down at him.

"I don't - want to be all...muzzy," Giles said, and Ben frowned in concern.

"Mr. Giles, you really would be more comfortable if -"

"He knows what he wants, Ben.  Just - can you give him enough to -"

"Just take the edge off," Giles finished, and coughed, and Ben shook his head slowly.  

"Look, I'll - I'll do it, but it's better for your body if you can rest for a while.  It can start healing.  Constant pain - just drags you down."

"I understand that, Ben.  But for now - I need to - to be aware."  Ben nodded - looked up at Buffy.  

"I'll do what I can.  But you need to get him out of here, and soon."

"We're trying," Buffy said, and she and Willow moved away, talking softly.  Xander touched Spike's shoulder - indicated with a jerk of his head that they should leave, as well.  Oz was off to one side with Tara, Anya and Dawn, trying to keep a restless Tara occupied.  He was letting her listen to his cd player, but she didn't seem to like the headphones and kept fidgeting with them.

"We've got to get some sort of - of plan together.  We can't just sit here and let Giles die," Xander said softly, and Spike looked over Xander's shoulder at the Watcher, his eyes flat and cold.

"Ben's got a car, big enough for us.  I say we take the Niblet and go.  The Knights won't have any reason to hang around once their Key is gone, and -"

"Why can't you just hand over the Key and be done?"  Xander and Spike both jerked around, startled, at the voice.  General Gregor had somehow managed to struggle to his feet despite his bound hands and was looking at them with a patronizing air.

"You ally yourself with the Beast - you defy our Holy Mission - you will bring about the destruction of the world with this foolish behavior!"  Spike snarled and strode forward, getting up close to the Knight, who flinched slightly back and then steeled himself.

"If you lot had any balls at all, you'd be on our side, tryin' to take Glory out, instead of hunting down a defenseless girl."  Spike's demon was to the fore and his fangs were inches from the Knight's face.

"'Our' side, demon?  You have no side.  You are unclean, unholy, and will only bring despair to all around you."  The General had the wild glint of the fanatic in his eye, and Xander figured that was the only thing that kept the man from gibbering in utter terror.

"You're mistaken, General," Spike said, softly.  His hand was in his duster pocket, and then lost in the shadows between their bodies.  Suddenly the General stiffened - made a nasty, wheezing sort of screech.  Xander heard the pop of electricity.

What the hell?

Commando toy, remember?   Spike stepped away from the General, who sagged against the post, panting.  Spike held the stolen taser in his hand.  "Forgot all about it, really."  Spike looked at the General, who was obviously in pain, and grinned.   The hyena grinned right along with him.

"Guys - we really don't have time for this."  Buffy strode over, an unreadable expression on her face, Willow hovering a few steps behind her. "Just put it away, Spike.  He can't tell us anything we don't already know."

"But it would be awfully fun making sure," Spike said silkily, and the General seemed to get for the first time that he might be in trouble.  He looked at Spike uneasily.

"Xander, rein him in or I will," Buffy snapped, looking ready to do a little damage herself.   Spike hissed at her, and Xander moved hastily between them.

Calm please love.

"I think the best thing to do is - is have Ben drive one of us to Barstow - it's only about twenty miles from here and we can rent a car big enough for - well, for most of us.   I'm going to send Giles back with Ben - he has to get to a hospital - and, and Anya can go with him -"

"Split us up?  Do you think - do you think that's a good idea, Buffy?  Giles won't be able to fight off Glory if she comes calling - or Anya either."  Xander stepped a little closer to Buffy as he spoke, keeping his voice low.

"Do you have any ideas, Xander?  I'm about out here, and I don't need arguments unless you've got something better to offer!"

"Back off, Slayer."   Spike stepped up close as well, still game-faced, and Buffy recoiled.  "Yeah, I got a better offer, Slayer.  Let me and mine take those damn Knights out and let us go.  We'll get the Niblet somewhere safe and you can deal with the hell-bitch.  Her time is short.  When the glory-hour is gone - who knows?  Maybe she goes up in a puff of smoke, or maybe - she loses her powers.  Whatever happens, Dawn's safe."

"Or maybe she just kills everything in her path," Buffy snapped, and Spike cocked his head a little to one side - looked over her shoulder at Dawn, who had got up and was talking to Ben.

"Maybe so.  But she doesn't end the world, and Little Bit...is out of her reach."  Xander watched Buffy - watched her mull that over, watched her flick her eyes around the room, taking in who would go and probably live - and who would die.  He watched her, and knew she was going to make some sort of decision.  And whatever it was - it would break her.  Anything she chose lead to someone's death, and Xander couldn't let her take on that burden, as well.

We can't - SHE can't.  Spike - we have to find another way.

Want you SAFE, want the wolfling safe - want our FAMILY, damnit, don't give a fuck about the rest.  

Xander put his hand on the vampire's shoulder and squeezed gently. "I know.  But I do.  And we can't, Spike.  We can't leave anyone behind.  We have to find some other way."
 He looked at Buffy, who looked - grateful, for a moment.  And then alarmed, as Tara suddenly leaped to her feet.

"NO, oh no, you don't bring that here!  Little filthy beasts - out, get out!"  Tara pushed Anya aside - evaded Oz's grasp and ran towards the door, clawing furiously at it.

"Tara!"  Willow ran for her, but a second yell made her jerk around in startlement, and they all stared at Ben, who was clutching his head in the middle of the room.  

"Let me out!  Open the door - let me out of here!"

"What the fuck -"   Spike started a slow stalk towards Ben, and Buffy looked at Xander in bewilderment.

"He just started freaking out!  I didn't do anything!"  Dawn edged nervously towards Buffy, trying to keep away from Ben, and Tara screamed again.

"Time, time time, it's time and Leviathan rises!"  Her voice broke on the last, sending her into a fit of coughing, and she scrabbled madly at the door.  Willow reached her and tried to stop her - tried to pull her away and Tara turned and opened her mouth in a hideous, ear-piercing wail of utter terror.

"Let me oooout!"  Ben tore at his hair - pulled it - and Xander felt his mouth dropping open as his hair seemed to stretch.   It was stretching - it was growing longer and lightening and suddenly it wasn't Ben standing there anymore, it was Glory doing a little cat-stretch, yawning.  She glanced down at herself and grimaced - flicked her fingers and Ben's khakis and pullover became a skimpy red dress.

"My boy Ben - he sure gets around."  Glory looked coolly around her, and her gaze fell on the General. "Oh look!  It's Gregor!"

"Your time is almost over, Beast, we will crush you, we will -"   Glory's eyes narrowed and she reached out absently - plucked a rusting hub-cap that was hanging off a support beam and threw it like a Frisbee.  It sliced through the air and into the General's throat and he gagged mid-word, choking - dying.

"Now it's not."  Glory giggled and brushed at her fingers.  With a roar, Spike threw himself forward, leaping on Glory's back.  Oz was in motion as well, the wolf surfacing as he leapt.  Spike locked his arms around her neck, attempting to snap it and Glory reached up and clawed at him - pulled him over and off and into the wall, cracking boards.  Oz was backhanded away and then Buffy was there, piling into her and being kicked sprawling to the ground.

Spike!  Fuck, Oz -   Xander darted around the Hellgod, heading for Spike, knowing he was no match for her.

"Now now, children, I'm not in the mood."  Glory grinned over at Dawn and in a movement almost too fast to track she pounced, grabbing Dawn's arm and spinning them both towards the door.

"Let's go, pumpkin!  Things to do!"   She raced out the door, dragging Dawn, who clawed at the red-nailed hand locked around her wrist.

"Buffy!"  Dawn shrieked.  Buffy climbed unsteadily to her feet - took off after her sister as Spike rolled and got up, shaking his head.  Anya was yanking Oz upright and they all pelted after Buffy, hearing screams from outside.

"Willow!  The barrier!"  Buffy was yelling - pounding her fists on the barrier, and Xander heard Willow chanting as they ran up behind Buffy.  Abruptly the barrier dropped, and they moved forward.  But after a half-dozen steps Xander stopped, dazed.  It was hard to see in the uncertain light of the fires and flickering torches, but there were bodies - everywhere.  Xander looked around him in growing horror and stumbled when his foot hit something.  He looked down and recoiled from the Knight who was lying there, throat torn out.  

"Oh, fuck -"

"She got 'em all," Spike murmured, and took off in the direction that Glory had gone.  They all heard his roar of frustration and fury.

She's fuckin' GONE, how did she do it, damnit!

"Oh my god -"   Willow staggered to a stop near Buffy, her eyes wide and horrified.  "Buffy, we have to - have to hurry!"  She turned to Buffy, and Xander watched in confusion as Buffy's legs seemed to give out.  She sat down hard in the blood-soaked dirt, her eyes huge and vacant.  

"Buffy?"  Willow went down on her knees beside her, clutching her shoulder.  "Buffy?  Come on, we have to - we have to get Dawnie back!  Buffy!"  Willow looked up as Xander came closer, tears standing in her eyes.

"Xander, what's wrong with her!"

"I don't -"   Xander crouched down as well - touched Buffy's cheek.  Her skin was cold, and Xander could see faint tremors going through her.  Her hands were clasped loosely, and she blinked once, slow.  "I don't know, Wills."
"Oh dear god -"   Xander looked up fast at that and saw Giles in the doorway, swaying, shirtless and pale.

"Giles!  You shouldn't -"

"Oh dear god," Giles whispered again, looking around him, fear and anger and horror all crossing his face.  Anya stood near him, surveying the scene with a critical eye.  Oz trotted up from somewhere, scenting the air and snarling softly, fighting the wolf with every step.  

Too much blood.  Spike?

Here, wolf.  They're all dead.   A sensation in the link, a flicker of an image, and Xander knew Spike was draining a Knight - knew the man was gutted and dying in the sand and Spike wanted his blood.  Wanted him as dead as the rest.   It sent a shudder through him and Spike abruptly shut the link down.

"Oz, get Giles back inside, he can't -"

"What's wrong with Buffy?"  Giles snapped, struggling to walk forward, and Oz growled at him, darting to his side.

"Inside, Giles.  Now."  Oz forcibly turned Giles - made a gesture of his head and Anya hurried over, slipping through the door as Oz half dragged the older man inside.

"Willow - let's get Buffy inside.  Come on."  Xander stood up - put his hands under Buffy's arms and hauled her upright, and Willow rose with her, taking one hand in hers and guiding Buffy back into the building.  Spike came loping in out of the darkness, shaking the demon off as he came.

Gotta get a move on, love, he thought, and Xander eased Buffy down onto the floor by Giles, who was sitting on the edge of the counter, looking ill.  Anya was putting the IV tube back onto the needle in the back of his hand.  Tara was huddled in the corner made by the counter and the wall, and Oz had moved to sit next to her, trying to coax her around.  His eyes were black and furious, but the wolf was mostly gone.

"Move where, Spike?  What - what the hell happened?  Ben - became Glory!"

"He did what?"  Giles said sharply, and Xander turned an incredulous look on him.

"He was right here, Giles!  He was - himself, and the next minute he was Glory!"  Giles exchanged a puzzled look with Anya, who shrugged.

"Ben and Glory - they are - connected somehow?"

What in hell!

"It's mojo, pet.   I think...   Wolfling, did you see what happened?"  Oz nodded.

"Ben freaked - right when Tara did - and then, Glory.  Like the fuckin' robot in Terminator."  Xander couldn't suppress a snort of hysterical laughter and Willow looked up from where she was kneeling beside Buffy, frowning.

"Xander!  It's not - there's nothing funny here!  I don't know how Glory got here, but she's got Dawn and - and Buffy's -"

"She's broken," Anya said.  She leaned down into Buffy's face - snapped her fingers a couple of times.  "Hel-loooo!  Buffy!  Little sister in mortal danger!  World about to end!"  Buffy didn't so much as blink, and Anya stood back up.  "See?  Broken."  

"No, no, she's not - she's not broken, Anya, she's just -"

"She's off in her own little happy-land, is what she is.  Or unhappy-land, as the case may be."  Spike was searching for a cigarette - snarled furiously at the empty, crumpled pack he finally retrieved from a pocket.  

Why did I see Ben and Glory and not Willow?  Why you, and Oz?

We're not exactly human, are we pet?  Think it only works on humans.   "Buffy's not gonna be helping us anytime soon."

"But there's gotta be something -"   Xander crouched down by Willow and reached out - popped his fingers lightly against Buffy's face.  "C'mon Buffy - come back!  You're needed out here!"

"Xander - leave her."  Spike's eyes were demon-gold, and the link was thrumming with pack pack pack, the demon frantic with the need to get out.   "We need to get back to Sunnydale."  Xander stared at him for a long moment - nodded finally and stood up.

"Yeah - okay - how do we do that?  Giles has to lay down, and we can't all fit in Ben's car if he does."

"I'm takin' Ben's car.  You're coming with me to Barstow.  We'll get another car, or truck - something - and get back here.  It'll be light in six or so hours - we can be back in Sunnydale by then."

"And then what?" Oz asked softly, and Spike laughed a short, humorless laugh.  

"And then I'm outta ideas, wolf.  But we've got hours to think of something.  Sound worthy, then?"  He looked around at Xander - at Giles, who was slumping further down, and at Anya who looked back wide-eyed and shrugged.  

"It's more then I've got, Spike."

"Willow - can you do anything for Buffy?  Can you help her?"  Willow stood shakily and pushed her hair back out of her face.  Oz had managed to get Tara to turn around and now he urged her to her feet.  Her hands were scratched and a little bloody - her face streaked with tears - and she keened softly and held her arms out, reaching for Willow.  Willow pulled her close, stroking her hair.

"Shhh, baby, it's all right."

"No windows, no doors, no light, no light..."  Tara whispered brokenly, and Willow hugged her hard.

"I'll figure out something - I can do something but yeah, we have to get back to Sunnydale.  I need - need to look at some b-books -"   Willow buried her face in Tara's hair and shuddered, crying now, and Xander reached and squeezed her shoulder lightly.

"Okay, it's okay Willow.  We'll figure this out."  He looked over at Spike.  Love you love you this is so fucked up LOVE you, Spike, my own...  

Your own.   Love you, pet, love you...  Wolf, you all right?

Fine.  Hurry back - be careful!  

"Yeah.  We'll hurry.  Think Ben left the keys in the car?"  Spike stalked out the door, and Xander hesitated one long moment, looking around at the group.

"Everyone be careful - stay alert.  We'll be back as soon as we can.  Giles - please lay back down."

"Go, Xander," Giles rasped, and Xander saw that *darkman* other face there; a face that was furious and ready to take vengeance on anything in reach.

"We'll get her back, Giles."  The darkman - Ripper - only stared back, a cold and ancient knowledge shadowing his gaze, and Xander turned and strode after Spike, feeling a shiver come over him.

If Buffy doesn't get Glory - Giles will.

We better be standing pretty far back if that happens, pet.   Spike was doing something under the dash of Ben's car - made a small sound of triumph as the engine suddenly roared to life.

"Let's go, love," he called, slamming the door and putting the car in gear, and Xander hurried around to the passenger side and got in.  They drove off, dust pluming from under the tires, pack hurry hurry fading out behind them.



______________

amante - lover

te amo - I love you

mi dulce - my sweet

Thank you, Canadian Snoopy, for the 'terms of endearment'

30 Falling

Barstow had been crawling with soldiers - Army, Marines, and geek-types from some NASA project, and Spike had had a hard time keeping himself inconspicuously human while looking for a car.  They found one vehicle easily, but in the end he'd quietly snapped the neck of a belligerent Marine and he and Xander had driven back to the others in two SUV things, leaving Ben's hot-wired sedan in a back alley.  Big enough, once you laid the seats down, to construct a pallet for the Watcher and to hold everyone else.  The killing was a steady ache in the link that Spike chose to ignore.  Too little time and his nerves so close to the breaking point he simply couldn't deal with the White Knight.  Xander touched his cheek - looked at him, wide eyed, as they loaded the Watcher and got the rest settled, and if it wasn't forgiveness it was something like acceptance.  Acknowledgment of the situation, and a resolve to deal with it later.  

Xander drove the Watcher, the Slayer and demon-girl in his vehicle, and Spike got the witches and the wolf and the baggage.  They drove hard, into the west, and Red managed a sort of 'don't notice me' spell on them, so that any lurking Highway Patrol would ignore them.

Sunnydale was locked down - seemingly dead - and they got Giles to the hospital fast, Spike and Xander carrying him in and surrendering him to bustling nurses and one tired-looking doctor.  While Xander filled out paperwork with Willow's help, Spike called Clem and got a cousin to come get the SUVs.  It wouldn't do anyone any good to have the stolen vehicle of a dead soldier sitting outside their house.    Giles, it seemed, would be at the hospital for several hours - probably past dawn.  Xander brought the news out to the others with a worried frown drawing his brows together.

"We can't just sit out here," Willow said, her arm tight around Tara's shoulders.  "I have to get a book - I have to be someplace quiet so I can - can help Buffy - so we can get Dawnie back."  Xander crouched down by them, drawing the rest in close.  The rest minus the Slayer, who simply stared, unmoving.

"Listen - why not just go to Buffy's house?  Everybody has extra clothes in their packs, right?  We can all get cleaned up and get something to eat while you do your witchy thing.  Sound all right?"

"I'm all for a shower and a meal," Anya said, nodding, and Willow drew in a deep breath - nodded as well.

"All right, Xander.  That sounds - sounds like a plan."  She raised a faint smile, and Xander smiled back.

"Wolf, you can drive 'em, right?"  Spike asked, and Oz looked up at him, concern in his eyes.

"Yeah."  Where -?

"I know a bloke - bookish - I think he might know a thing or two about our little problem.  Me an' Xan, we'll go suss him out, yeah?"  Keep Glinda safe.    Oz nodded slowly - took a hard breath and reached out to run his hand down Spike's arm - touch Xander's shoulder.  

Careful.  Love you.

Love you, from himself and Xander, no separating the thoughts, and Oz collected the girls, shepherding them out the ER doors and into the loaner.  Xander watched them go - watched Spike slip something into his pocket from a cart and then they were out the door, walking down the sidewalk.  

Love -

"I know."  Xander sighed - reached to lace his fingers with Spike's, the warm and callused hand feeling so good in his own - solid and right.

"Nature of the beast, love," Spike said softly, and Xander squeezed his hand just a little.

"I know that too.  I'm - can't I just be...unhappy with it?"

"Not if it means you're unhappy with me."   Xander nodded - walked on for a minute in silence, eluding Spike even in the link.  Spike groped for cigarettes - remembered he had none and cursed softly.  Lights up ahead showed a Quickie-Mart, and he headed towards it gratefully.  They went inside and Spike told the clerk what brand, and Xander leaned on him and sighed.

Tired.

I know, love.  All over soon.

That sounds so final.

Final for HER.  We'll come out all right.

"How do you know that?" Xander whispered, his mouth against Spike's neck, and Spike shivered - snatched the cigarettes from the gawping clerk and tossed a twenty at him.

"Mind on your work, git," he snapped, and the clerk glared at him.  "I know that 'cause you're the good guys, love.  White Hats n'all.  Good guys always win.  Said it yourself."  

"Do we?"  Xander asked, and Spike knew it was exhaustion, worry - the long, strange day and night, that made Xander sound so...small.

Always, love.   Spike caught Xander's chin in his fingers - gave him a slow and gentle kiss.  Something tight in his belly unwound as Xander leaned into him - slid hot hands under the duster and around his waist.  The clerk made a squeaking sort of noise and Spike ended the kiss with a delicate nibble on Xander's lower lip - turned to the clerk with his best 'Why don't I just kill you now?' look.

"Where's my change, you tosser?" he growled, and the clerk shoved some money across the counter - mumbled something under his breath.

"I heard that, you fuck -"   Spike was ready to snap another neck but Xander grabbed the bills and coins and him and yanked him away, glaring daggers over his shoulder at the clerk, who winced away.

"Not now, not him, not here, okay?  Better things - well, more important things to do.  Okay?"  Xander hustled him out onto the sidewalk and Spike abruptly shoved him into a wall - full-body contact and delicious grind of hips and Xander lost his breath for a minute.  Coins hit the ground and rolled away, unnoticed.

"Always something better to do, yeah," Spike breathed, and Xander melted into him, fingers digging into Spike's back and his teeth meeting with a jolt of delicious pain through the skin of Spike's throat.

Stop it Spike, and a warning shake of the head, and Spike breathed in sharply - thrust hard into Xander's hip, feeling rigid flesh digging into his own thigh.

Oh but you want it...  and Xander bit again, tongue lapping at blood that was welling up, nails making trails of fire down Spike's back.  Spike had his own hands on Xander's buttocks, pulling him closer, kneading taut flesh.

Don't have - fuck - time - Spike!  Xander arched fiercely against him as he twisted his own head around and sank fangs into Xander's throat, high up.  They were both making inarticulate noises around the flesh in their mouths - they were both thrusting and writhing against each other in a sort of mindless frenzy, nerves stretched to the breaking point and this, this closeness the only cure Spike could think of.  

Suddenly Xander was fumbling urgently at his jeans - at Spike's - and Spike was pushing Xander's t-shirt up out of the way - wrenching at his own and then Xander's hand was on him, hot and tight, his cock right there, slick glide of pre-come, burning like a brand.  Spike added his own hand - felt the link open wide and felt the double sensation of warm and cool all down the length of his body.  He sank his fangs a little deeper - pulled against Xander's hold on him and felt the blunt human teeth tear his flesh a little, exquisite torture.
 They came together, gasping, and Xander finally opened his jaws - sucked gently on the wound he'd made before letting his head fall back with a little thump on the bricks behind him.  Spike did the same; gently disengaging his fangs and cleaning the wound - letting his human self slip back.  

Suprisingly, the mess was minimal and Spike very deliberately pulled their hands up to his lips - took wet, fragrant flesh into his mouth and sucked.  Xander watched him, his mouth red and slightly open, his eyes half-shut but shining green in the sodium glare of the Quickie-Mart signs.  

Fuckin' hot, you make me crazy, LOVE you, and Spike grinned at him.

"Yeah.  Forgive me, love?"

"Nature of the beast, Spike, like you said."  Love the beast, AM the beast, want this OVER, Spike.

"Me too.  Let's go."  They tidied themselves away, and Spike opened a pack and took out a cigarette - lit it and deliberately blew the smoke at the plate-glass window three feet away, and the astonished, beet-red face of the Quickie-Mart clerk.

Xander hadn't heard of this 'Doc' before, but Spike seemed to think he'd be of some help.  Their more-than-make-out session up against the wall outside the Mart had left him feeling oddly energized, and he bounced down the sidewalk next to Spike, pushing all thoughts of apocalypses, Hellgods, and a dead soldier out of his head.  

Deal or lose, his soldier had muttered.  The hyena was utterly uncaring kill or be killed and all of them had taken comfort in the blood that sparked on his tongue - sent a surge of fire through his body.  I'm in love withWilliam the Bloody, an odd little refrain in his mind.

"Post-orgasmic endorphins," Spike muttered, pulling him down off the bumper of a parked car, and Xander laughed out loud.

"Probably.  But I'm tired of being scared.  This is almost over, and we're gonna win.  I say so."  Xander knew it sounded childish but he was tired of being scared - was tired of feeling like he was in perpetual flight mode, and now was time for fight.  Spike just grinned at him, demon's eyes and smoke curling up from between his lips, and when they arrived at Doc's small house, Spike knocked sharply.

"It's always open!" a voice called.   They went inside, to a room lined with books and what was obviously magical paraphernalia.  There was a fire burning in a fireplace and the room was oppressively hot.   A small, grey-haired man sat at a table, a thick book open before him, a spiral notebook and pen under his hand.  He barely glanced up.

"Can I get you boys some cocoa?"

"Maybe some other time, mate," Spike said, and Doc looked up sharply.

"Oh!  It's you!  Time-bomb go well, then?"  Spike smiled a tight and malicious smile at the man.

"Worked a treat."

"Oh, good, good."  The little man got up and came out from behind his desk.  He was wrapped in a thread-bare old robe, and had worn slippers on his feet and gold-rimmed glasses perched on his nose.  "A tricky spell, that.  Very inventive.  I'm only glad it worked out to your satisfaction."  He stood there, beaming, and Spike ground his cigarette out on his boot-heel.  Xander just looked around, taking in all the oddments and curios.  

Giles would love this place.

Doubt it.   "Yeah, it was fuckin' brilliant, Doc, but we're here on other business tonight."

"Yes?  Well, always happy to help - what can I do for you boys?"  Spike drew his flask out from an inner pocket - took a long swig and offered it to Doc, who made a prissy little move of his hand in rejection.

"There's a Hellgod loose in Sunnydale just lately.  Sucks out your mind if you get too close - wants to get a Key and get home.  You know anything?"

"Hellgod!  Oh my.  Oh, my...you can only be asking about Glorificus.  She's - she's big time, fellas.  Real big time.  I'm only a small-time guy, myself."  The man moved nervously around the room, touching a book here, a statuette there, and Xander watched him, ready for...anything, really.

"Small-time, maybe, but I know you've got your fingers in all sorts of pies."  Spike drew slowly on a fresh smoke, watching the man through half-shut eyes.

"Oh, me?  No, no...  Glorificus is - bad, fellas.  She's real bad.  Best advice?  Get out of town - just as far as you can.  That's what I'd do if - if I had anything to do with her."  He ended his jittery wanderings near a small table, and his hand went out to stroke a small, lacquered box.

"Doc - she's found her Key.  She'll use it and she'll tear the universe apart when she does.  Everybody go poof, you savvy?"  The man gave a nervous little smile - touched the box again and then jumped slightly when he noticed Xander staring at him.  Spike was getting angry - a twitchy, vicious feeling in the link, and Xander wondered what the old guy was up to.  He was acting...odd.

"Oh, well...  In that case, maybe you should..."   Doc tapped his mouth with a finger - looked up at Spike with a small smirk.  "I know a fella, who knows a fella in China - you could go there -"

"China?"  Xander turned to Spike, shaking his head.  "Is he kidding?  We don't have time for China!"   Spike, what the hell?

Patience, pet, in the link but the surge of cold rage was anything but.  

"You're lying, Doc," Spike said softly, and Doc shot a startled look at him - narrowed his eyes and smiled a tight little smile.

"You think so, vampire?"  Xander felt his heart start to pound at the sly, malevolent look on the old man's face.  Then Doc moved - was across the room and picking up a sword - lunging at Spike's throat with it.  Spike dodged - spun - kicked the sword out of Doc's hands and aimed a ferocious punch at him.  Doc evaded, barely, and Xander went for the sword, grabbing it up and turning in time to see Doc snatching the lacquer box and throwing it into his fireplace.  

"Her day is coming, boys!" he shouted, and Spike leaped at him - backhanded him away from the fireplace and dragged the box out of the flames, cursing.   Xander raised the sword and Doc opened his mouth.  A thick, black length shot out - That's his tongue?  Oh fuck, his tongue! and slapped wetly into Xander's chest, slamming him back into the wall.  

"Oh, are you gonna see something when she rises!"  Doc chortled.  Spike dove for Doc's legs and brought him down hard, pinning him.

Sword!   Xander turned the sword and brought it down, hard and fast, straight through Doc's chest.  Bluish-black blood shot up, spattering his jeans, and Xander backed off, a disgusted look on his face.

"Fuck, Spike.  What in hell -"

"I guess this Hellgod's got followers all over.  Least we got what he was trying to destroy."  Spike stood up slowly and retrieved the box.  It was slightly scorched but otherwise fine.

"What is it?"

"Something worth dying for, I guess.  Let's get outta here, yeah?"

"Yeah."

The house on Revello drive was dark when they got back, and Xander had a strange sense of déjà vu as they came up the walk.  Oz was sitting in the porch swing again, waiting for them, broadcasting pack in a low monotone that drew them in as surely as a hook and line.  They settled on either side of the werewolf, Xander letting out a great sigh of relief and Spike dropping his arm around Oz's thin shoulders.  The sky was lightening along the horizon, and the waking-up noises of birds and households seemed out of place - too normal.  

"All in bed then, wolf?" Spike asked softly, and Oz nodded and leaned into him.  Xander scooted a little closer and Oz twisted slightly, putting his calves across Xander's thighs.  Xander rested his hands on Oz's shins, unconsciously rubbing up and down.

"Willow - did this spell.  Went into Buffy's head with her."

In the Slayer's head.  Christ.

"Did it work?" Xander asked.  Oz nodded again, eyes fluttering closed and then open as he fought to stay awake.

"Yeah.  Buffy woke up finally and they all cried on each other and then they went to bed.  Buffy wanted - "   Oz broke off in a huge yawn and Xander yawned right along with him.   "Man!  Tired.  Buffy wanted to go to the hospital but we talked her out of it.  I called - Giles is going to leave in the morning."  Oz yawned again and closed his eyes - snuggled a little into Spike's shoulder.  

Another sleep-over at the Slayer's house.  My reputation is dirt.   Xander laughed at Spike softly.

What other vamp in history has been invited into the Slayer's house?   Spike seemed to consider that - caught himself in a long blink.

"Bed, loves, don't you think?  You talk to Derio, wolfling?"

"Mmmm?  Yeah.  He's all right.  Gonna see me tomorrow."  Oz made a half-hearted effort to sit up and Spike pushed him a little.  Xander got his arm around Oz's waist and all three staggered upright and made their way into the house.  Blankets and pillows had been stacked on the couch and they made a haphazard pallet on the floor.  Spike made a last prowl of the house while Xander and Oz used the bathroom, then he slung his duster over a chair and they curled up in the blankets.  

Nest, very faintly from the demon, and the wolf had never stopped his pack, and Xander spared a last thought towards the coming fight, and then let it all go.  Family, and for the moment they were all safe.

Exhaustion kept everyone asleep until past noon, and only Giles coming quietly into the house woke Xander and Oz.  Spike opened one eye and looked blearily at the Watcher, then rolled over and was asleep again.  Xander kissed him swiftly on the temple and then got to his feet, stretching and yawning, feeling Oz do the same.  Giles stood looking at them for a moment, then shook his head, a small smile on his face.

"What's up, Giles?"

"Oh, well, nothing much except that you three resemble a heap of puppies.  Or perhaps - kindergarteners."  Giles' smile was a little wider, and Xander had to grin back.

"Didn't go to kindergarten," Spike mumbled.

"Poor you.  No eating of paste and no nap-time."

"Never getting to be milk monitor!"  Oz said, wide-eyed, and Spike finally lifted his head, looking like a dazed lion with his hair every which way and his eyes golden in the dimness of the living room.

"What in bloody hell are you talking about?" he grumbled, and Oz laughed and stumbled off to the bathroom, scrubbing his hands through his hair and wincing at tangles.

"Just reliving the golden days of our youth," Xander said, and followed Giles into the kitchen, where the older man sat heavily on a stool.  "How did you get here?  You should have called -"

"I took a taxi, and that's all right.  I knew that all of you needed to rest."  Giles leaned his elbows on the countertop and Xander had never seen him look so old - so worn.

"Giles?  How - are you okay?"

"Not according to the doctor, who wanted me to stay for a few more days.  But I'm - all right.  Willow did a small spell last night, to help slow the bleeding and it seems to have - acted as a catalyst.  I'm healing much faster than I would have thought."

"Not that bloody fast, though."   Spike shuffled into the kitchen in socked feet and looked blearily around.  "Don't they have a bloody kettle?"

"Please god, I really would like some tea," Giles muttered, and Xander looked around.

"Guess not.  Pot'll do, though."  He got one down out of a cabinet and filled it with water - got it on the stove and heating.  Oz came into the kitchen just then, and Xander hurried to the bathroom.   He could faintly hear noise from upstairs and guessed that one if not all of the girls were up.  When he got back to the kitchen Spike and Giles were arguing about whether or not Spike could smoke in the house.  Spike ended the argument by lighting up and pointedly blowing smoke at the older man and Xander moved hastily to intervene.

"Here - Spike - just stay over here where the fan is, okay?"  Please, love.   Xander turned the vent fan on under the hood of the stove and Spike settled with ill grace against the counter there, flicking ash irritably into the sink.

"We got something last night, Giles - might help."  Xander retrieved Doc's box from the living room and handed it to Giles, who gingerly opened it.  They all leaned in for a closer look.  A collection of scrolls were packed into the box, and Giles unrolled one carefully and studied it for a moment.

"This is...this is incredible, this is some sort of...prophecy or - or bible of Glorificus...  Oh yes, this should tell us exactly when she will make her move - it may even tell us how to stop her!"  Giles bent over the scrolls, muttering to himself, patting at his pockets and coming up with a pen but no paper.  Oz handed him the notepad that was by the phone and they all watched in silence for a long moment as Giles slipped into 'Watcher' mode and began to scribble notes.  

The water finally boiled and Spike made tea, shoving a cup at Giles and drinking his own in a few gulps, grumbling under his breath about having to drink Lipton tea-bag tea.   Xander made coffee and Oz scrounged out frozen waffles, bacon, and bread, and by the time Willow and Tara joined them they had breakfast well under way.

"Giles!"  Willow cried happily, and bounced over the older man.  She hugged him, knocking his glasses a little askew and Giles rescued them, a bemused but pleased expression on his face.  

"Are you all right?  How do you feel?  I can't believe the doctors let you go - you must be all right if they let you go - oh, Giles, I'm so happy to see you!"  Willow hugged him again and Tara gave her an odd look - moved over to where Oz was sitting at the counter and began to brush her hand down his arm, where glittery paint made a faded design down the long sleeve of his t-shirt.

"Sparkly spark, dancing in the dark..." she whispered, smiling.  

"Thank you, Willow, yes - uh - I am happy to be here as well.   I'm fine, really.  That spell you did yesterday - helped very much."  Giles set Willow back half a step and gathered up pen and notes again, a flimsy shield against emotion.  Spike snorted softly, making a second cup of tea.

"Oh, I'm so glad!  So - what's that?  Did you find something?  Is it about Glory?"  Willow leaned on the island next to Giles, taking up a scroll and studying it, and Giles took it gently out of her hand.

"Yes, it's about Glory.  Spike and Xander got it last night.  And as soon as I can get to the Magic Box and get - oh - Watson's 'Languages of the Nether Plains', and perhaps... Barlowe's 'Guide', we'll know much more about her."  At the mention of Spike's name, Willow grimaced, glancing at him, and the vampire shot her a hard look.

"That's wonderful!  And - I've been doing some research into - into the mind thing.  I think - I think I found something that can bring T-tara back."  They all looked at her in pleased surprise, and Oz smiled when Tara took the offered piece of bacon from him and began to slowly eat it.

"That's wonderful, Willow.  I knew you could find a way."  Giles smiled over at her and she smiled back - sent another look of distaste at Spike, who was spreading a large dollop of jelly on a piece of toast and cursing when some of it dripped on his hand.  Xander caught the look - moved to distract her.

"Willow - we heard you went into Buffy's head last night - got her to...come back.  What happened?"

"Yeah, please tell us what it's like in there, Red.  Great echoing rooms full of not much, or is it more like a really bad episode of  'Dark Shadows'?"

Spike!

"NO!  It wasn't like that at all!  It was like - it was - was none of your business, Spike!  I'm not going to tell you anything about Buffy's -"

"About my self-pity?"  Buffy stood at the kitchen doorway, looking fragile and still tired, her eyes dark-circled.

"Buffy!  There wasn't any self-pity -"

"Sure there was, Willow.  'Boo hoo, my life is hard'."  Buffy mocked herself softly, and Spike snorted, making a clattering with his knife as he dropped it into the sink and rinsed the jelly off his hand.

"Figured as much," he muttered, and Xander grabbed his arm suddenly and pulled him bodily out of the kitchen, aware that Oz was coming after them, aware that Buffy had sat down across from Giles, smiling softly at the older man - aware that Tara was cringing away from the ill-will that was almost palpable between Willow and the vampire.  He got Spike out into the living room and got up right in his face, feeling an unexpected surge of anger.

"Spike, what the fuck!  The last thing we need right now is - is -"  

"What you're doing."  Oz perched on the arm of the couch, looking at Spike with a small frown, and Spike bared his teeth in a strange sort of half snarl.  There wasn't any threat to it; it seemed more like a nervous tic.  Protect, in the link, insistent and frantic.

"I want us out of here," Spike said, his voice low and harsh and biting, and Xander flinched back just a little.

"We talked about this, Spike.  We can't leave.  We can't - abandon them.   I thought you...agreed."

"Agreed to what?  To letting you die?  Letting the wolfling die?  I won't, Xander, I won't -"   Spike turned abruptly away from him and pushed his fist hard into the wall.  Leaned his forehead against it and stood there, rigid and trembling and breathing in jerky pants and Xander shared a look of mingled fear and confusion with Oz.  He moved slowly over to Spike.  

"Love -"   Tell tell TELL   "Please talk to me, love, please tell me what's wrong.  You can try to hide things from me but I won't let you, Spike."  Oz was on his feet now, moving slowly closer, and Xander reached out and put his hand on Spike's back - slid it around and tugged gently, turning him.  Spike sighed hugely and let himself be moved - let Xander gather him close and hold him.  

"Just tell me - tell us."

Pack tell pack love you.

"It's...love, I -"   There was fear in the link, and Xander was confused - was almost afraid himself.

"When Glory - showed up...when Glinda-witch lost it...  I could...feel something.  Xander, I -"  Spike finally let go - let his rigid and expert control over the link go, and Xander felt what he'd been hiding - what had strung his nerves so tight and made him lash out.  Flashes, little flashes of darkness, of things, scuttling in the shadows, of despair and terror and the greedy, devouring want that had been Glory when she'd pushed her fingers - her powers - into his head.   Disconnection - hopelessness - being lost, and knowing you'd never find your way back...  Xander shivered and pulled Spike closer - felt Oz come up close and add his heat and strength to the embrace.

"What is that?  Is that what Tara -" Oz whispered, horror in his voice, and Spike clutched tight at them, shuddering.

"When she tried to take my mind - she left something, or she - she broke something - I don't know!  But I feel - I'm afraid I'm gonna lose it around her - around Glinda.  I can't - control it and I'm -"   Scared, scared - gonna hurt somebody, won't hurt YOU, won't let it be you, pet...wolf...help me -   Spike's fingers were like iron, digging into Xander's back - Oz's shoulder - and Xander ran his own hands up and down Spike's back, pressing and kneading and making him feel, making him know he was there, and not lost, and that they weren't letting go.  Pushing everything he had into the link, forcing it open wide and feeling Oz do the same.  Feeling the fierce protective urge of the hyena and the wolf both surge up and make them all huddle closer.

"Spike - you should have said - you don't have to do this stuff by yourself, Spike!"

Pack leader - keep you safe.   Spike thought, and Oz made wolfish growl down in chest.

"Not by yourself, Spike, damnit."  Oz gave Spike a little shake and the vampire pulled back from the both of them a little, demon's eyes, and frustration in the link.

"If I can't keep it together around her - or around Glinda for fuck's sake, how much help am I going to be?  I can take anything she can throw at us but I can't - "   Can't take that, can't stand that - That had a different sort of feel to it, and Xander closed his eyes and turned that over and over for a moment.  It was - the human part of Spike, that was so profoundly afraid.  The demon only wanted to kill Glory - kill anything that threatened its family - and it had no fear except the fear of not winning.    But the human part...   The human part remembered.  Remembered the utter confusion and helplessness of the first weeks of the demon's possession.  Remembered Drusilla, and how very badly her madness could take her, sometimes.  

"You're not - you're not going crazy, Spike.  You're not.  It's just - an echo, like you said.  You're just remembering.   We'll talk to Giles -"

"NO."  Spike pulled away for one moment and Oz yanked him closer - Xander did - keeping him right there.

"We need to talk about it, Spike!  Whatever she did to Tara she did to you too.  She didn't finish with you - she couldn't - but she tried.  And if Willow can figure out something to - to get Tara back, then maybe we can use it on you.   There's a fix and we'll find it and don't you dare try to tell me no!"  Xander was aware of his voice rising and he hastily brought it under control but he really was angry.  Angry that Spike had tried to hide this - had tried to keep it from them.

LOVE YOU, love you - don't you believe me?  Trust me, love, please -

"Xan -"   Always trust you!   Spike hung his head for a moment, and then looked up at Xander - at Oz - his expression troubled.  "I'm supposed to take care of you, love.  Not supposed to fall apart 'cause some fuckin' hell-spawned bint took a poke at my head.  A hundred years with Dru should'a made me...used to it, at least."  Cascade of images, of Drusilla, who had powers that Spike did not have - who could charm a Slayer to her death and make Giles see the murdered woman he had loved, and Xander shivered.  There was more than one way to force obedience.  Darla had used her razor tongue and her cold hearted-ness, and Angelus his vicious rages and mind games.  But Dru had used silken threads of misdirection and fancy, confusion and forgetfulness, and even though Spike had loved her hopelessly he had resented her ability to make him act against his will - to make him forget his will altogether.    

"You don't get used to being - coerced, Spike.  You're not crazy.  You kept it together fine when Glory grabbed Dawn - I mean, you were trying to tear her head off!  We'll figure it out - we'll fix it.  Promise, okay?"  Promise love,